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Purple","offer_id":52520803664188,"sku":"43004135121856309405","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Military Green","offer_id":52520803696956,"sku":"14419905295831971249","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":52520803729724,"sku":"21338495588516103715","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":52520803762492,"sku":"16894452490085357234","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Purple","offer_id":52520803795260,"sku":"21211738271499707415","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Military Green","offer_id":52520803828028,"sku":"29067840391303570858","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":52520803860796,"sku":"25534254142396991761","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":52520803893564,"sku":"49851718067468340089","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Purple","offer_id":52520803926332,"sku":"11792809614938337736","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Military Green","offer_id":52520803959100,"sku":"32198985731447604910","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":52520803991868,"sku":"57345460098561449517","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":52520804024636,"sku":"24842785239806314614","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Purple","offer_id":52520804057404,"sku":"79684325024806842604","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Military Green","offer_id":52520804090172,"sku":"21591866141535154977","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Navy","offer_id":52520804122940,"sku":"19502035847930710257","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Black","offer_id":52520804155708,"sku":"30602317134708585191","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Purple","offer_id":52520804188476,"sku":"39773290702213136650","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Military Green","offer_id":52520804221244,"sku":"17682700566014360249","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Navy","offer_id":52520804254012,"sku":"31332964028670114059","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Black","offer_id":52520804286780,"sku":"17806867137516076057","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Purple","offer_id":52520804319548,"sku":"27150340103219365526","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL \/ Military Green","offer_id":52520804352316,"sku":"26939390973535169767","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Navy","offer_id":52520804385084,"sku":"18815089553139800595","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Black","offer_id":52520804417852,"sku":"10548110616511079766","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Purple","offer_id":52520804450620,"sku":"17425126240875618472","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL \/ Military Green","offer_id":52520804483388,"sku":"31751205247189510360","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0951\/5083\/3980\/files\/2370551852211753051_2048.jpg?v=1764650589"},{"product_id":"i-drank-hose-water-tee-funny-urban-survival-graphic-t-shirt","title":"I Drank Hose Water Tee — Funny Urban Survival Graphic T‑Shirt","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n            \u003cthead\u003e\n                \u003ctr\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n                \u003c\/tr\u003e\n            \u003c\/thead\u003e\n            \u003ctbody\u003e\n                \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Width, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            18.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            20.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            22.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            24.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            26.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            28.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Length, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            28.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            29.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            30.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            31.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            32.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            33.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Sleeve length, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            8.90 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.20 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.70 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            10.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            10.40 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Size tolerance, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        Lightweight, responsibly made cotton tee with a bold, streetwise message printed across the chest. The shirt’s clean crew neckline and retail fit make it easy to layer under jackets or wear on its own. The black, high-contrast text sits in a centered block that reads like a candid confession — raw, nostalgic, and a little mischievous. Built with ribbed collar support, shoulder tape and side seams for lasting shape, this tee feels broken-in from the first wear while staying breathable and comfortable through long days and late nights.\n\nProduct features\n- 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton (lightweight 4.2 oz) for breathable comfort\n- Ribbed knit collar with seam and shoulder tape to maintain shape and prevent stretching\n- Side seams provide structural support and a lasting retail fit\n- Bold chest print using DTF\/DTG methods for crisp, vibrant lettering; sleeve and neck prints follow similar printing techniques\n- Tear-away label, REACH certified, made under humane factory standards (Bella+Canvas sourcing)\n\nCare instructions\n- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\n- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed\n- Tumble dry: low heat\n- Iron, steam or dry: medium heat\n- Do not dryclean\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 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L","offer_id":52520876835132,"sku":"19669293062323929234","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Aqua \/ L","offer_id":52520876867900,"sku":"10977620550370632868","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Ice Blue \/ L","offer_id":52520876900668,"sku":"28335059218260489405","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Prism Ice Blue \/ L","offer_id":52520876933436,"sku":"32914572290813265923","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ XL","offer_id":52520876966204,"sku":"99789303374464307988","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ XL","offer_id":52520876998972,"sku":"51981570034824554783","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Silver \/ XL","offer_id":52520877031740,"sku":"32308587649380962154","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":52520877064508,"sku":"10204515375364296381","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Aqua \/ XL","offer_id":52520877097276,"sku":"18193815175695440462","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Ice Blue \/ XL","offer_id":52520877130044,"sku":"11056807015502933557","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Prism Ice Blue \/ XL","offer_id":52520877162812,"sku":"96826066754926281511","price":18.82,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":52520877195580,"sku":"19970061266694595460","price":23.07,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ 2XL","offer_id":52520877228348,"sku":"14077513952992983413","price":23.07,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Silver \/ 2XL","offer_id":52520877261116,"sku":"75094840065817164006","price":23.07,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":52520877293884,"sku":"48258357027698435415","price":23.07,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Aqua \/ 2XL","offer_id":52520877326652,"sku":"18869242663151920479","price":23.07,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Ice Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":52520877359420,"sku":"11049557140803629647","price":23.07,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":52520877392188,"sku":"14200743199885258379","price":26.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":52520877424956,"sku":"66712990599743606315","price":26.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0951\/5083\/3980\/files\/13791678171340023942_2048.jpg?v=1764653577"},{"product_id":"soy-candle-i-drank-hose-water-and-survived-off-streetlight-curfews-9oz","title":"Soy Candle — “I Drank Hose Water and Survived Off Streetlight Curfews” (9oz)","description":"Hand-poured 9oz soy candle in a reusable glass jar, scented with thoughtfully blended essential oils and phthalate-free fragrance. Each candle burns cleanly for 50–60 hours on a 100% cotton wick, filling small rooms with layered notes like Cinnamon Vanilla, Sea Salt + Orchid, White Sage + Lavender, and more. The glossy permanent label sits on a simple, modern jar that becomes a keepsake once the wax is gone — rinse and repurpose as a votive, storage jar, or tiny planter. Made in the USA from globally sourced parts, this candle brings warm light and carefully crafted aroma to quiet evenings, seasonal gatherings, and slow mornings.\n\nProduct features\n- Vegan, non-toxic soy wax blend with no parabens, plastics, or synthetic dyes\n- Reusable glass vessel — clean and repurpose after burning\n- Choice of 12 fragrances including Cinnamon Vanilla, Apple Harvest, Sea Salt + Orchid, and Unscented\n- 50–60 hour burn time with a 100% cotton wick; ASTM safety compliant\n- 9oz jar (2.8\" × 3.5\") with glossy permanent adhesive label; assembled in the USA\n\nCare instructions\n- Keep burning candle within sight. Keep away from children and pets.  Never burn the candle near flammable items. \t\t\t\t\t\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Clean Cotton \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878014780,"sku":"66221985793587099545","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sea Salt + Orchid \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878047548,"sku":"59845884699310202094","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White Sage and Lavender \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878080316,"sku":"33852140675555530590","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Apple Harvest \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878113084,"sku":"16779014714163256495","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cinnamon Vanilla \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878145852,"sku":"20325898982702031065","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Christmas Warmth \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878178620,"sku":"20325935220073099745","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Coconut Cream + Cardamom \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878211388,"sku":"29028989603687291301","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Peppered Passionfruit \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878244156,"sku":"93289276669644378267","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Unscented \/ 9oz","offer_id":52520878276924,"sku":"83710507742957180011","price":18.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0951\/5083\/3980\/files\/12320873670216572216_2048.jpg?v=1764788357"},{"product_id":"if-you-are-reading-this-you-are-standing-to-close-casual-tee","title":"If you are reading this you are standing to close casual Tee","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n            \u003cthead\u003e\n                \u003ctr\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e4XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e5XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n                \u003c\/tr\u003e\n            \u003c\/thead\u003e\n            \u003ctbody\u003e\n                \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Width, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            16.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            18.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            20.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            22.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            24.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            26.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            28.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            30.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            32.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Length, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            27.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            28.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            29.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            30.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            31.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            32.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            33.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            34.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            35.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Sleeve length, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            8.60 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            8.90 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.20 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.70 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            10.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            10.40 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            10.80 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            11.20 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Size tolerance, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        Keep it breezy, keep it witty. This unisex casual tee delivers instant levity with the clean, high-impact line \u003cstrong\u003e“If you can read this, you’re standing too close.”\u003c\/strong\u003e The minimalist design lets the joke land while the fabric does the heavy lifting on comfort.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eComfortably clever\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e- Crafted from 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton for buttery softness.\u003cbr\u003e- Ribbed collar holds its shape through seasons of wear.\u003cbr\u003e- Tear-away label eliminates itch and irritation.\u003cbr\u003e- Advanced printing techniques ensure clear, long-lasting graphics without bulky buildup.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou’ll reach for it on errand runs, casual dates, and chill weekends because it feels good and gets a smile every time. Deep, versatile colors like navy and charcoal complement the bright white type for striking contrast. Responsibly made in Honduras.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare tips\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCold wash, low tumble dry, non-chlorine bleach as needed, medium iron, no dry cleaning.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eFrom gifting to self-treating, this tee nails that sweet spot between laid-back style and cheeky personality.","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Asphalt \/ XS","offer_id":52525206339900,"sku":"01985fa6-729d-7e62-8a9d-c9bd619a142e","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ XS","offer_id":52525206372668,"sku":"01985fa6-40c2-7eba-9836-d00aa329b1ee","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":52525206405436,"sku":"70560118592096006696","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Grey Heather \/ XS","offer_id":52525206438204,"sku":"01985fa6-1b55-71e0-b097-8e44a7815733","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Deep Heather \/ 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Featuring bold 1970s-inspired typography and a clean, modern layout, this blanket makes the \u003cem\u003eultimate\u003c\/em\u003e gift for your daughter-in-law — or the not-so-subtle warning shot to your actual children. 😌✨\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhether you're shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother-in-law Day, or you just want to stir the family pot, this blanket delivers comfort \u003cem\u003eand\u003c\/em\u003e comedy in one cozy package.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003e✔ Why You’ll Love It\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePremium Printify throw blanket (super soft fleece or velveteen)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLarge, bold retro print — readable from across the room\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMultiple color palettes to match any home decor\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFade-resistant, high-definition print\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePerfect for couches, bedrooms, guest rooms, or snuggling during family drama\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e✔ Perfect For\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eChristmas gifts 🎄\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMother-in-law gifts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDaughter-in-law gifts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFunny family presents\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCozy home decor\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAnyone who loves retro design with a sarcastic twist\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e✔ Sizes\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e50×60\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e60×80\" (recommended for adults)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003e✔ Care Instructions\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not iron\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not bleach\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), *hand wash will extend the quality of the product\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow it fits into life: Pull it over your lap on cool evenings, lay it across a recliner to keep your spot cozy during game day, or bring it along to a family visit to get a laugh and a hug. The plush surface invites snuggling, while the bold message shows off personality without saying another word.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Velveteen plush: extra-soft polyester nap for a smooth, cozy feel\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Single-side high-detail print: vibrant, long-lasting color on one face\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Medium heavy-weight fabric: substantial warmth at 300 g\/m²\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Durable construction: double-needle topstitching reinforces all seams\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Safety compliant: meets flammability and regulated material standards (lead, cadmium, phthalates, BPA, azo dyes, formaldehyde)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"30\" × 40\"","offer_id":52525467304252,"sku":"32688060574409507968","price":22.07,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"50\" × 60\"","offer_id":52525467337020,"sku":"22967291547836085092","price":38.52,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"60\" × 80\"","offer_id":52525467369788,"sku":"92032748923445037773","price":52.88,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0951\/5083\/3980\/files\/12128846812316661929_2048.jpg?v=1764790984"},{"product_id":"velveteen-blanket-my-daughter-in-law-is-my-favorite-child-funny-family-gift","title":"Velveteen Blanket — \"My Daughter-in-Law Is My Favorite Child\" Funny Family Gift","description":"\u003ch3\u003e⭐ \u003cem\u003e“My Daughter-In-Law Is My Favorite Child” Retro Throw Blanket\u003c\/em\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis ultra-soft retro throw blanket delivers the perfect mix of humor, nostalgia, and unapologetic family chaos. 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